Linus Soh

I can’t take this frustration anymore.

I don’t want to thinking about this anymore. Why can’t I get you out of my mind? Why must this thing eat me alive? Why must I suffer this unbearable pain of being reminding that you’re there, living without knowing me? Why can’t I breathe without wondering if you’re there? Why can’t I sleep without thinking that this could end?

Why do I even hope that this will get better? Why do I hope that you will change? How can I stop thinking this? Wouldn’t it be easier if I just hated you? Couldn’t I get some sort of satisfaction of blaming you for what I’m feeling? Couldn’t I simply not care and let you go?

But I do care. Why do I care about something that wasn’t even there to begin with? Why must I sit here in my bedroom, staring out the window with a longing that can only be explained by the investment that I made in you? Why do you sit there, not caring about me?

O LORD, How long will you forget me? Forever?
How long will you look the other way?
How long must I struggle with anguish in my soul,
with sorrow in my heart every day?
How long will my enemy have the upper hand?
Turn and answer me, O LORD my God!
Restore the light to my eyes, or I will die.
But I trust in your unfailing love.
I will rejoice because you have rescued me.
I will sing to the Lord
because he has been so good to me.

I couldn’t have said it better myself.