Linus Soh

Sometimes you listen to a song over and over again…and it isn’t until you’re just walking around that the song really tells you something…

This is one of those songs:

You’re everything
I could want
That I could need
If I could see
You want me
Could I believe?
‘Cause you’re perfectly
All I want, all I need
If I could just feel your touch
Could I be free?
Why do you shine so?
Can a blind man see?
Why do you call, why
Do you beckon me?
Can the deaf hear the voice of love?
Would you have me come?
Can the cripple run?
Are you the one??

To raise me up
From this grave
Touch my tongue
And then I’ll sing
Heal my limbs
Then joyfully I’ll run to you…

You’re everything…
I could want
That I could need
I can just feel your touch
And I can’t breathe
Look how you shine so
The blind can see
And how you call how
You beckon me
The deaf hear the voice of love
You bid me come
And the cripple run
Are you the one?

To raise me up
From this grave
Touch my tongue
And then I’ll sing
Heal my limbs
Then joyfully I’ll run to you…

I wait for you. I wait…for you.

40,000 student attend the University of Maryland
Less than 3% of those students attend an evangelical ministry.
Out of the other 97% of students, many will never hear the message of Christ.
Many will never go to church after they have left college.

Where do we go from here?

This Friday, MCF along with many other ministries hope to change this. Through a free concert, we hope to simply share what Jesus has done in all of ours lives.

What if God could change a heart? What if lives could be changed?

Please pray for this concert this Friday. If you’re in the area, please consider attending. We’ll be at LaPlata Beach at 5PM to 8PM. Rain date: April 8th.

I went paintballing on Saturday and my legs are still sore. Man, my quads are killing me.

I had my basketball class again today. Man, it was intense! A lot of running around sure doesn’t help with sore legs. I found that out the hard way.

So now I’m at home, getting out of soaking wet clothes. I still have a lot of my paper to write so I’m probably going to get cracking on that. But I was praying today and after I met with Jeff, we both asked the same question: “What is God trying to teach this church?”

Neither of us know the answer to this question, that seems so simple but yet so vague. I find myself asking the same question though. In the midst of ministry, I get so caught up in the lives of people that I lose track of my mission: to build leaders. I like to think that I do that while I’m helping others. But I have lost track of my true purpose to help build leaders. I have keep focused.

I got to keep singing…

I went home this weekend to spend some quality time with the fam. Having spent most of spring break in Myrtle Beach, I thought I should take some more down time to be with my parents…and I’m glad I went.

I’ve really been enjoying the spiritual discussions that I’ve been having with my mom. It’s really cool to see what God has been doing in her life recently. Of course, we got into the conversation of me getting married and whatnot and I had to reminder her that I’m just waiting for God to introduce me to the right woman.

Mom responded in kind: “I pray for her you know.”
Me: “Yeah, I know.”
Mom: “No, I don’t think you do. I pray that God will provide you with a women who is as passionate about ministry as you are. I pray that God will move in her heart as he has in you. I pray that she will be the helper that God promised Adam.”
Me: “Mom, I’m quite content being single right now…”
Mom: “Yeah, I know. But I’m sure God will break you, sooner or later.”
Me: “Mom, I love you. You’re not getting grand kids in a while so you’ll have to wait.”

She really made me think. Does my future wife dream of me the way I dream of her? These past couple of nights, I’ve had these dreams about what my ministry will be like if I had a girlfriend, or a fiance, or wife. I was telling people over spring break that I want a woman who considers others above herself. I would hope that while we’re dating, this would even extend to me.

I believe God brings two people together because they can accomplish more together than they could do apart. I believe this is what the church is. A church can do more than it’s individual members. A house of Christians can do MORE than it’s individual roommates.

A husband and wife can do more than each other separately.

I dream of my wife. I dream of the day that I’ll meet her. I dream of the day that we discover that God has on the same path. I dream of the moment that I realize that this is the woman he has in mind for me.

And I dream of the day that we do ministry together, as husband and wife.

Until then, I will continue to do what God has me do: serve the church. This is my mission field. This is my cross.

Dreams within the still of night
On wings of hope take flight inside of me
There, upon some distant shore
We want for nothing more than what will be
And you and I, here we are
I wonder as we come this far…

If I could only read your mind
Tell me the answer I would find
Do you dream of me?

Love has found a magic space
A deep and hidden place where time stands still
Now I hold you in my arms
You know you hold my heart and always will
And you and I, here we are
And it’s a wonder that we’ve come this far

After all that we’ve been through
You’ve leaned on me, I’ve leaned on you
Do you dream of me?
And when you’re smiling in your sleep
Beyond the promises we keep
Do you dream of me?

If I could only read your mind
Tell me the answer I would find
Do you dream of me?
And when you’re smiling in your sleep
Beyond the promises we keep
Do you dream of me?
And after all we’ve been through
You’ve leaned on me, I’ve leaned on you
Do you dream of me?

Do you dream of me?

While I don’t believe God has provided me with this woman yet, I continue to live the single life, trying to understand both men and women and the decisions they make. I was praying about someone the other day and I had to ask myself “What causes us to make decisions?”

I know for me, I make decisions out of my vulnerabilities, weaknesses, hurts and pains. I am beginning to wonder if my decision not to date is because of these things. Don’t get me wrong, I think not dating for close to four years have really given me a perspective on my habits and things…but I wonder if I’m motivated by the spirit or if I’m motivated by my own doubts and insecurities.

God, I want your will, not mine. Help me live in a way that reflects that. Lord, I want to be attracted to women who want the same things I do. Help me see that fruit. And Jesus, take away the feelings that I have for others who don’t want that. And permit me to see the difference.

I’ve posted pictures from the Friday Nite Aquarium and Spring Break on my web site.

Also, you can now read my blog from just about any web site that I maintain! If you’re viewing this from my twentyfifteen website, welcome! You can directly visit my blog by clicking the “blog” link on the left hand side of the page.

BACK AT MARYLAND!!

I’m slowly posting some pictures that I’ve had on my camera now for a long time. I just posted pictures from Friday Nite Madness: Bowling. I’ll be posting pictures from the National Aquarium as well as spring break. This will INCLUDE the baptism photos!

If you have pictures you’d like me to post here, please let me know. If you want print the photos without the watermark, you MUST e-mail me.

I’ve got to write my film paper now. 8 pages…here we go!

(On Location: Myrtle Beach, SC)

Speaking the truth in love…what a hard concept!

Yesterday, as we were discussing communication, boundaries, and etc. in dating, we got into a discussion about accountability and confrontations.  I like to refer to confrontations as encouragements because we can easily get bogged down by the “intensity” of a confrontation.  I like the verse that Jeff mentioned:

Faithful are the wounds of a friend,
   But deceitful are the kisses of an enemy.
–Proverbs 27:6 (NASB)

I began to think about this because the discussion started to change to trust.  Dawn gave an example of how if someone that barely knew her came to talk to her about how she deals with her kids, that she could get offended, but hopes that she would have the humbleness to respond in peace and to even pray about it.  I can even recall two days ago when one of the guys here confronted me about the gun safety video that has the guy shooting himself in the leg.  I really had to think about that.  But in the end, I was really glad he said something.

I hope that I always have this perspective.  That I could be humble enough to accept challenges from others and never be too proud to accept my way is right..

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In other news, I’ve been taking a few pictures. We’re actually going to have THREE baptisms today. In the fricken’ cold ocean! I’ll be posting pictures here as soon as I get back to MD.

Pray for good weather. It’s suppose to storm.

(On Location: Myrtle Beach, SC)

God has been really been speaking to my heart about how I do ministry.  I think the biggest challenge for me has been that if someone doesn’t want to do what I think they should do, I get very disappointed.  And that disappointed gets connected to how the relationship changes.  And if a relationship changes, then I want to protect myself because I don’t want to get hurt.

I was really troubled by this because the effect of this is that I become more legalistic.  And I don’t want to be that guy.  I don’t want to be that kind of person.

As I was praying this morning, I began to wonder, what really does trust mean?  Why does trust require so much?  And I’m not sure why, but I think it has something to do with how our hearts YEARN for closeness.

We are desperate for this!  And we should have that closeness with God, but when we don’t, we look for it in other places.  And I think that’s why trust is so important.

Last night, during our “Guy/Girl” discussions, we talked about the difference between a really good conversation and a feelings that are developed because of that really good conversation.  I think I do a good job guarding my heart so that when I do have those conversations (and I have them quite frequently), that I don’t just keep falling head-over-heals for them.

I remember the first time I made this mistake, how quickly I was drawn in and how quickly my view of that person became so skewed.  I no longer could minister to her because of my feelings for this girl would supersede my commitment to her as a brother in Christ.   To me, that’s the most important thing.  I’m called to look upon my sisters with honor and respect.

But something began to trouble me as I thought about everything we’re talking about…is there something wrong with me?  Do I believe something that’s not true because it seems like everyone I’m talking to takes what we talk about and believes something completely different.  And I wonder, do I have dating wrong?  Do I have a wrong perspective in dating?  Are my standards too high?

I’ve been very comfortable with the fact that I’m single now and I should use it in the best possible way.  (And the fact that no woman has come along that really has shown me that she is as dedicated to her mission in Christ as I have been.)  But perhaps I should change my views.  It seems that so many people here have trouble understanding dating in the contexts of marriage and that I’m the only one that understands it.  Taking into account that isn’t true, I can’t help but wonder, “God, why is my heart so different from others around me?  Why do I have such higher standards?  Are they godly?  Are they of you?  Are they the same standards YOU will use to match me with someone?”

I think I’m beginning to realize the powerful truth: I am meant to marry.

But not just yet.  There is still much work to be done when I have the time and energy to do them.

(On Location: Myrtle Beach, SC)

I’ve been up since 3:30 AM and haven’t been able to fall back to sleep.  We made it safely to Mrytle Beach, SC and we’ve got a pretty light schedule for today.  There will be a few people going to church this morning.  I will not be among them.  I want to finish one of my papers today and hopefully be ahead of the schedule.  I also want to read through my English assignments.

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…On the trip here, I started with no one in my car. I wanted to do this because I needed some down-time.  And it was very relaxing.  I spent most of my time praying for the people on this trip.  My prayer has been that GOD move powerfully during the week.  We’re talking about “Guy/Girl stuff” and I think this question is so important to our society.  I think we’ve lost our way…but then again, I’ve already covered this.

My prayer is that God will give me the wisdom to slow down.  These past five-six weeks have been so stressful.  I’m ready for a vacation.  Unfortunately, this will NOT be one.  I hope that will change, but I don’t foresee it happening.  I think the only times I will get time for myself is times in the morning when I’m reading or doing homework.

God, you are everything to me. I want this week to reflect your love and your grace. So often I find myself lost in the sea of problems, issues, and concerns. I could easily try to do things on my own terms but God, I want your way. Lord, I want to see what you see, but in your wisdom you have not shown me what you are doing. God, grow my faith in you. Help me understand what you are doing in the hearts of your people. I pray for your protection over those who are here. I ask you give them hearts of humbleness and are receptive to your voice, your word, your spirit.  Jesus, will you come and heal these hearts.  And thank you Jesus for what you’ve done in my life, and allowing me to experience your gift of singleness in the way you intended it to be.  Help me fan the flame of the passion you gave me to others.  And finally Lord, I pray for myself.  I recognize that I need rest.  And God, I want to find that rest in you.  Deliver me…

Here I am, again
In this raging sea
On my knees again
Deep calls to deep
Feel like I’m drowning
My arms are just to tired to swim
Feel like I’m sinking
On my knees again

In the ROAR of your waterfall
In the storm of you
May you find me holding on
May you find me true

And I put my hope
And I put my trust
And I put myself in you, in you Lord…

Wash me clean
Set me free
Hold me close
And COVER ME….