Renewing of my Mind!
These couple of days I’ve really been wrestling with my fantasies. No, I don’t mean the sexual kind. I mean just regular daydreams. I’ve been finding myself daydreaming about my future wife, and how great it would be to do ministry with her together…and how what we could accomplish together would be greater than what I’m doing now. That’s SO EXCITING!
But at the same time, I don’t think that’s where God wants my thoughts to be. I think that in some way, it’s like lusting. It does not keep my eyes focused on what’s going on NOW and being excited and satisfied what God has done NOW.
I’m finding this trial extremely difficult because I have to battle my THOUGHTS and that’s so much harder than fighting the physical world or even the emotional world. I can’t help but think of Freud’s concept of the mind: the id, ego and superego. It’s like I have to somehow unconsciously tell my self to not think about something.
I’m realizing that this is where I need to ask GOD to really enter my mind and conform me because I just don’t have any control over this part of my brain…at least I don’t think so. This makes me so uncomfortable because it is requiring a faith from me that I’ve never had before. Perhaps…in the end, this is what God is really trying to teach me. Trust God in places that I really have no control.
“I beat my body and make it my slave…”