the problem with silence
I can’t believe it’s 10:00 PM and I am still not ready to go to sleep…and I really need to because I have four appointments tomorrow. My day will start at 9:00 PM and won’t end until 10 PM tomorrow.
So much is going on right now that I’m just dizzy from everything that’s going on.
Tonight, I let my work responsibilities go and had a really good, long conversation with Jim. We haven’t had one in a really long time…and it was about time we did.
We bared our souls. It was really cool just to hear him speak about different issues stuff that’s just going around our church. A lot of rumors…
And I have to admit, I’m not finding a lot of solace in God’s word. I’m finding myself really angry. I just spent the last hour just praying with Jim and then Jeff and just DEMANDING God to show himself in this situation.
And all I got was silence.
And then the picture I got was that this is the cross.
Jesus bore it all…Jesus let it go.
I can’t help but be sad. I can’t help BUT be angry.
When I get home, people’ll ask me, “Hey Hoot, why do ya do it man? Why? Just some war junkie?” Ya know what I’ll say? I won’t say a word. Why? They won’t understand. They won’t understand why we do it. They won’t understand that it’s about the men next to you, and that’s it. That’s all it is.”
While I’ve been support-raising, I’ve been getting asked a similar question: “Mike, why are you doing ministry? Every time you talk about it, you say how hard and challenging it is. You could be out in some fortune-500 company just making tons of money in the computer field.”
My answer: “It’s not about the money. And it’s not about the challenge. I’m naive enough to believe that God is still on this campus. And I’m naive enough to believe that I can make a difference.”
Most people still don’t understand. But I don’t think they can. There is no experience that I have found that even comes close to the intensity, the stress, and even the joys that front-line ministry can bring, and has brought. I’m sure there are many other fields that are just as intense, just as stressful, and just and joyful. I have not found it.
The little ministry experience I have, God has taught me so much. I’ve learned more about myself and God than I have all my life put together. God has taught me about patience in waiting for him. He has taught my how to love someone I cannot stand. God reminds me constantly that it’s not about my journey, but it’s about me.
God is bigger. I got to believe that.
Feel free to delete this. Feel free to not read this.
1st, if all you get from God is a picture of the Cross, that’s for a reason. The Cross is about Christ dying for our sins and about him accepting suffering so that we could go free in spite of our wickedness. If that’s all, if the work done on the cross is All, then that’s all you should be giving to others. None of this obedience or manipulation or speaking from experience. Just what God gives you. And it sounds like all you’ve gotten is the cross, the payment for our sins. If that’s what you have, give just that. “If I live in Christ but find myself still a sinner, has Christ led me to sin? NO!” – Rough praphrase of Galations.
2nd, it is very interesting that you form your opinion of the things going on from Rumor. Its also interesting that you do nothing to stop the rumor. “Let no coarse talk… gossip come from your mouths” I believe that Gossip and Rumors are at base, sinful. Yet you seem to be more grieved about the information you’ve gained than the fact that people are talking behind closed doors about other people, that people are spreading rumors. Thats a major issue and I’m pretty sure you’ll be swallowed up in it if you don’t attempt to fix it. It may even be more important than the other things going on right now.
Like I said, feel free to delete.
This is Josh. Just wanted to make sure you at least had to read this or see that it existed before deleting it.