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I’ve started reading a book about Theophostic ministry. The book, for the most part, covers why people act the way they do and how do you free yourself, and others, from lie-based thinking.

I’m finding it to be my cup of tea. Some of the basic principles are those of which I already know: people react not based on the circumstances but because of how we interpret and process the circumstances.

What I’m finding amazing is the book’s honesty toward the spiritual realm.

All of us have things in our lives that we’re not proud of. Myself included. And the idea behind theophostic ministry is to reveal the truth behind the experience that haunt us, that keeps up from being more Christ-like.

And I think one of the biggest lies we believe are the ones that we create ourselves. I have found that we, as a people, are very stubborn people. Stubborn not out of the sake of being right, but stubborn out of the sake of being wrong. Rarely have I met a person who was willing to be wrong, but more than willing to be right.

This mentality has, unfortunately, not only crossed into the culture, but has become twisted so that we feel that it is wrong to tell someone else that they were wrong. Unless, of course, we are right.

One of the greatest examples of this is the case of homosexuality. Proponents of the idea that homosexuality is “okay” argue that people should have the right to have sex however they want, without regard to social consequences. Most of these proponents negate the widely available facts. When asked for further information, most retreat to, “What gives you the right to tell someone how and how not they should act?”

Hidden behind these words is the lie: we cannot tell someone else is wrong, unless they disagree with me.

This happened once to me about two years ago now. Several other R.A. candidates and I sat a table, discussing this very issue. The topic immediately turned to “tolerance.” As the night went on, I continue to express my view with facts and data, that no one else at the table was either willing to debate or refute. Finally, someone asked me, “Mike, I don’t know if I can have a decent conversation with you if you can be tolerant of people who don’t believe the same things you do.”

My reply was, “You see, that’s the problem. I’m still willing to have the conversation, even though I may never agree with you. I’m still willing to sit down with you, have coffee with you, treat you as a human being. Why can’t you live up to the same standard you hold me to?”

Reluctantly, there was no reply.

The conversation wasn’t about homosexuality. It wasn’t even about tolerance. If it was, the other R.A. should have been able to understand her mistake.

The battle we fight is not of these things. It is a much deeper issue. I believe we all long to be accepted. But only under our terms. We want to be loved, but only under certain conditions.

That, my friends, is the biggest lie. We can’t have it both ways. We can’t want acceptance a certain way and demand we get it that way. We can’t give someone the trust in controlled experiments. By doing so we are guilty of the very thing we are trying to avoid.

Those who have been successfully married will tell you that the success to their relationship was honest communication. I believe that marriage is not about love. It’s about trust. It’s about vulnerability. It’s about giving someone the ability to completely tear you apart. Love is found when that vulnerability and trust are embraced, not taken advantage of.

It is true that love never fails. But people do. And I beginning to wonder if we are confusing the two.