It has been four months since I’ve had this cough. I’ve been poked and prodded, scanned and probed, medicated beyond belief. And yet the cough remains. As I’m now having to dip into savings to continue medical treatment, I must admit that my patience, and my hope, is wearing thin.
With only a hunch left, I will to going to a stomach doctor, as my pulmonalogist believes that my coughing is a result of acid reflux, instead of whopping cough, as originally diagnosed. I find myself feeling trapped, alone, and, for the first time, afraid.
At this point, there seems to be no physical cause to my coughing. The popular, although unrealistic, cause seems to be psychological, the majority of the doctors thinking that my body has simply been too conditioned to cough. However, most of the doctors I’ve gone to don’t think this to be the cause since I have not responded to any of the treatments.
Every day that passes, it becomes harder and harder to believe that the day will come that I will no longer have this cough. Perhaps, this cough will linger, handicap my life. In addition to the cough, I have now completely lost my voice, inhibiting me from doing any ministry.
While I am continuing to move on with my life the best I can, I can’t stop myself from wondering if I will continue to have this cough a year from now…five years from now. Or if I will simply lose my voice for the rest of my life.
The reality of this situation is that this where God has me. For what reason, I cannot be sure. I wish I could end this entry with a positive note; but, I seem to be at a loss for words. The only hope I hold onto…the only thing I look forward to, is that somehow, in some way, God will be glorified through this.
And perhaps, this is what really matters.