Confession
I remember going to confession when I was a kid. At the time, I was going to a private school in Baltimore. And I remember how difficult it was as a kid to think of all my “sins” and confess them to the priest. Sometimes I felt like I had to make up something just so I had something to confess!
Today, this isn’t the case. I’m not catholic, but I still confess, but not in the same way.
See, I think confession has become synonymous with shame; in reality, it’s confession that ultimately frees us from it. I think the confusion lies in understanding the point of confession. I used to look at confession as something you had to do to get into heaven. But the truth is that confession can be incredibly liberating.
There are many consequences to sin. Some of them of obvious. Like if you steal a car, you might get sent to jail or get into an accident. But some consequences are not as obvious. Assuming you don’t get caught and the car is returned, the gas you left in the tank may not be enough to get a sick child to the hospital.
One of the consequences that is not obvious is shame. Surprised? Consider again the stolen car. The car you decided to steal actually belonged to a disabled veteran. This doesn’t actually occur to you until you get to your destination and notice the hanging placard on the rear-view mirror. It occurs to you that someone might actually need the car your in to get to a doctors appointment. You return the car and leave a note saying your sorry. (This actually happened. I wish I could find the article.)
But the weird part of this story is the guy never went to the police. I say this is weird because if he really wished to do the right thing, he should turn himself in and be willing to receive the consequence of his crime. If he did, he would be come a public figure, his name and crime for everyone to see.
We all fear judgment. Whether it be from a judge or from friends, we don’t want to look bad in front of people. We don’t want to be proven that we’re bad either. So the act of confessing is actually telling people how bad you are! But the strange thing is that once we’ve actually confessed to someone what we’ve done, it actually comes very freeing.
I believe that it’s the act of not knowing who knows that makes sin so damaging. Our imaginations become our worst enemies. Suddently, every phonecall is about the crime. Every suspicious glance is about your history. Every whisper becomes daggers to your charactor.
So what happens when we confess? Tell a friend what you did? Tell them that you messed up? The power is stripped away. Instead of someone coming to judge you, you’re putting it out there. You get to control it. You no longer have to doubt who knows what because you’ve already told someone. The shame disappears!
I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve shared my sins with someone and felt a tremendous release. Talking about it is always hard and uncomfortable because you don’t know how they are going to react. But the beauty of confession is that it helps you build trust. You are allowing someone to shame and ridicule you. If they don’t, you know that you can trust them more.
Confession isn’t as bad as you might think. This holiday season, if you have a skeleton in your closet, dust it off and share it with someone. You might find out that you’re not alone and your just as messed up as everyone else.
Merry Christmas!