Linus Soh

With spring just around the corner, it seems that love is starting to saturate the air. Valentine’s day has passed and with wedding season around the corner, many of my friends are wondering if Cupid will nip them in the bud this year. And it seems like every year, I have conversations with many eligible bachelors about what they would like in a woman. Qualities like “good cook” and “hot body” are always at the top. At some point, usually after some debate as to other characteristics does the topic of spirituality come up. The conversation then trails a bit and then usually ends up at some sporting event.

The interesting thing about this conversation is how quickly its dismissed. Obviously, it something that many people think about. But what isn’t is the joys and benefits of being single. And I wonder why that is.

What is it about being single? Is it taboo? If you’re single, it seems like you’re the only one. If you’re married, you can’t help but play matchmaker. If your dating, you look to couples for advice. I ask again: what is it about being single?

I have never been asked for advice on how to keep single. It seems like everyone I talk to absolutely hates being single and wants desperately to be with someone. Don’t get me wrong: there is nothing wrong with wanting to be married or wanting to be with someone. What I am suggesting is that there may be something to this hatred to singleness that must be examined by every person, single or not.

I haven’t seriously dated someone in almost eight years. Does that surprise you? Not in the “You’re so hot, who wouldn’t want you” kind of way. It shocks most people I tell because they can’t imagine not having someone for so long. But I look at them and ask, “How many break-ups have you had in the last eight years?” Their answer usually shocks me.

In the last eight years, I can’t begin to tell you some of the greatest things I’ve learned not just about myself but about dating and marriage. And I wouldn’t trade those lessons for all the speed-dating in the world. I believe they are lessons that you only learn being single. You can learn them when your married or dating, but they typically have a negative effect on the relationship.

I’ve learned that being in a relationship takes honesty and trust. This may sound elementary but I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve seen relationships fail because of this reason. I’ve also learned that relationships require grace and demand humility. Without either, the relationship will fail.

Being single, I’ve learned how to spend time alone and enjoy it. I’ve taken vacations by myself. I’ve come to understand who I am outside of another person and not have another person’s personality influence mine.

I’ve learned how to handle my money. Since I’m single, I have much more disposable income. But that doesn’t mean I should just spend it unscrupulously. I have a savings account that can help me survive a month and I’m working on extending that to 3 months.

I love how I don’t have to “check-in” with someone. At the same time, I understand the love behind couples who want to know what their significant other is doing at any given moment in a day.

Patience is something that God has grown in my life. I’ve come to accept that God may bless me with a wife or he may not. And I’m perfectly fine with it. Really!

Not many people I know can say these things. I have met too many people who wish they waited to get married and no one who wished they got married sooner. I’ve heard too many people regret the relationships they had and no one regretting waiting for the right person.

Instead of dismissing singleness, shouldn’t we, instead, embrace it? We spend all our childhood wishing we were older. We spend our adult years reliving our childhood.

In the case of singleness, you have a choice.

Make it count.